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New research conducted by LA University shows that the use of suppositories can lead to backdoor desires. The participants said that the relief suppositories provided made them view the anus as a capable system and even admitted that the sensations felt could be defined as erogenous.

Furthermore, there seems to be a gateway addiction component, as well. Seven out of the ten participants admitted that they would use suppositories again and that they smoked the marijuana.

Even showing them footage of how suppositories are tested on caged chimpanzees and foxes, who had shit running down their leg all day till their rectums prolapsed and fell out, didn’t deter our participants.

So please practice safe and responsible constipation relief or risk going down a dark path.

Suppository Gateways

Latest Anatomy Prices

Lungs - $1,040,000

Heart - $122,000

Stomach - $682

Eyes (pair) - $28,000

Liver - $189,000

Skull - $988

Kidney - $160,000

Scalp - $355

Gallbladder - $1,254

Blood (pint) - $65
Hair (ounce) - $5

Egg - $18,200

Sperm - $640

Breast Milk (ounce) - $5

Spleen - $485

Pancreas - $39,000


Data is provided by financial exchanges and black market experts and may be delayed or even erroneous. Lemon Antifreeze does not verify any data and disclaims any obligation to do so. However, LA does advocate responsible harvesting.

Emptying the Piggy Bank

A man was arrested recently after groping two people of the opposite sex at a trendy downtown Toronto bar. The perp, Ron Hameed, apparently told the police that he couldn’t help himself because his left hand is homosexual and his right heterosexual. While we couldn’t get in touch with Mister Hameed, we did contact an authoritative behaviourist to see if his defence can hold in court.

“Actually, it’s a condition called Ambisextrous,” says Professor Hardy from LA University’s Animal Behaviour Department. “We’ve seen this before in gorillas, where one hand gropes a male cheek and the other hand gravitates towards a female cheek. It’s very possible that this confusion led the man to overstepping personal boundaries”


After introducing placebo surgeries into the health care system, the Ontario government is now proposing mandatory liposuction for people who weigh more than 113 kg (300 lbs)–irrespective of where they find themselves on the Body Mass Index.

“The annual economic burden of obesity in Canada is nearing ten billion dollars a year,” says Dr. John Beef, assistant to the incumbent minister of Ontario’s Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care. ”Asthma, diabetes, gallbladder disease, osteoarthritis, back pain, cancer, hypertension, stroke, congestive heart failure, coronary artery disease–you name it! Drastic measures need to be taken or else these fatties are going to empty the piggy bank.”

“Your tongue looks like a dog’s dick.”

-– Janice Waterson

Quote of the Month