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Legitimate scientific studies show that concentration is overrated. In fact, people with wandering minds outperform their concentrated peers significantly, particularly with creative thinking, imagination, and invention.

So all you diagnosed ADHDers out there, give back your Ritalin prescriptions (aka kiddy cocaine) to your parents, teachers, doctors, and politicians so they can snort it themselves. Then let yourselves drift away into your beautiful minds.

Snorting Kiddie Cocaine

Are you going through grieving stages? Do you need closure? Seven Feet Under Funeral Homes offers tattoo services for your dearly departed. Your loved one won’t feel a thing and conservative family members can rest assured that due to decomposition the tattoos aren’t permanent.

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Wanted for Hit & Run

The meat packing industry is injecting salt into cattle, sheep, chicken, and pig parts. Salt retains water, so the meat being bought is heavier and therefore more expensive. Not only are consumers being fleeced, but, according to statistics, eating meat also shortens life expectancy by an average of four years.

As the old adage goes:

Take some life, lose some life.

Salty Meat

A LA University study claims that oppression is the reason heterosexual women generally desire tall men. When women look up and worship manly towers it reconfirms the unbalanced power dynamics that exist today. And, really, what’s sexier than that?

Come on, Baby. Oppress me some more.

Shorter is Better

In Bucharest an invisible car collided with a jaywalker, leaving the pedestrian in critical condition with what appears to be a hit and run. Not only have the police failed to locate the car, but they can’t find the driver either.

If you have seen an invisible person and/or vehicle, please contact the Romanian authorities.

Lemon Antifreeze loves you for who you are.