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Fox News’s Racist Shit


Jason Half-Pillow's humour writing has been in Hobo Pancakes, The Satirist, Gadfly Online, and other places. He is a near sighted asthmatic and lives in an apartment.

By Jason Half-Pillow

Fox News attacks the Black Lives Matter Movement™ and offers as its most scathing indictment a few videotapes of mostly light skinned black marchers chanting “pigs in a blanket–fry ‘em like bacon” to justify its contention that the group is illegitimate. What Fox fails to do is put this chant in its proper context. First, there is the historical legacy of slavery (see America – A History). More importantly, there is the fact that the chant implies that police that are already dead should be fried like bacon. Were the mostly white, racist commentators at Fox more cognizant of the pre-slavery African past of the protestors, they would know that most American slaves were captured from tribes that practiced cannibalism and cooked their victims on a spit.

The same ignorance of African History undergirds Fox News’s ad nauseam replaying of a Black Lives March through a New York City neighborhood in which the marchers chant, “what do we want? Dead Cops! When do we want ‘em? Now?” Anyone who knows anything about the history of the Middle Ages must surely know that its most salient characteristic was “the black death” also known as “the plague.” These marchers were harkening back to that crucial time, when flagellants marched through villages yelling, “Bring out your dead!” At the time, it was readily understood that “Bring out your dead!” meant bring them out now. The marchers were telling people in that neighborhood that, if they had any dead cops in their apartments, they needed to bring them out now. The reason why they had to say “now” has nothing to do with impatience, as Fox News implies in order to make the Black Lives Movement seem dominated by impulsive and immature people. The say “now” because modern people have so many distractions–email, text messaging, mail order pizza customer service hotline complaints, dildos–that you have to emphasize as you march through the street collecting dead bodies “hey you fuckers! Put down the God Damn smart phone and throw your dead cops out the God Damn Window now God Damn It You Stupid Fuckers!”

Again, Fox propagandistically doesn’t point out that the neighborhood the protesters were marching through was the scene of a spate of cop killings motivated by a gay salt ‘n’ pepper snuff film festival that was broken up by the police, in contrast to the clear intent of the first amendment. So, since 36 cops had been murdered in that neighborhood, what were the corpse collectors going to shout–“what do we want? Dead Mayors! When do we want ‘em? At whatever time is most convenient to you!”

The real issue Fox News needs to address is its deeply held ignorance about black history, more specifically, the culture legacies of cannibalism and corpse collection. And while they’re at it, they might want to try boning up on their first amendment history too.