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In a bold move that has liberals scratching their heads, Kraft Foods, a leader in workplace diversity, has accommodated their employees who view themselves tolerantly disabled. Going forward, these workers will have the choice not to work with Blacks, women, Muslims, homosexuals, handicaps, albinos, pretty people, so on.

Kraft Foods brief press release:

The heart of Kraft Foods is in providing doorways of opportunities and growth for team members from diverse backgrounds and communities. Respecting, listening and participating in knowledge-sharing has helped make us the organization we are today–from our racist employees to our LGBT board members.

Tolerantly Disabled

1. Don’t be afraid of getting cooties; it’s the cutest STD you can catch.

2. If you’re new to fisting, start with someone who has small hands.

But check their ID first.

Advice Column

Loser / Perdant

Brace wearers are the latest in the ever increasing growth of disenfranchised groups. Bracers For Equality have petitioned the Canadian government to help educate people on the lasting effects of bracism on insured middle class children.

To help the BFA with its cause, several corporations have sponsored them, including VIA Rail Canada.

Train Tracks

The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Co. lost a bet with the Problem Gambling Institute of Ontario and now, under Law 777, the OLGC must change their Winner / Gagnant theme to Loser / Perdant to reflect the actual gambling reality.

Darek Fidyka, a 38-year-old former firefighter and paraplegic can walk again due to a historic surgical procedure. Polish surgeons transplanted cells from his nose to his damaged spine. With his increasing bodily feelings and fluids, Mister Fidyka is happy to walk, drive, and hunt animals for fun with his friends.

Let’s celebrate privileged people who became paraplegic, only to realise nothing in their disadvantages, just to, once they find their footing again, thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, keep being the unevolved asshats they always were.

Paraplegic Hunter Games