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In the name of Movember, to keep helping pharmaceuticals capitalise on cures for mostly preventable diseases, LA has launched the Asscember movement.

Please support colorectal cancer by wearing assless chaps during the month of December. Your bare ass means more money for Big Pharma to spend their hundreds of billions of dollars lobbying politicians, weakening regulatory bodies, bribing doctors, settling civil and criminal charges, and researching and patenting medicine that only the elite can afford.

And, of course, the ease of mind to know that you’re doing something meaningful and impactful to change the world you live in.

Thank you for your support and happy Asscember everyone!

Assless Chaps for Asscember

Also Available on Sept 11

Sept 11, 1970

Ford introduces the Pinto, an affordable car with an exploding gas tank. Later on, the infamous Ford Pinto Memo highlighted American industry’s ability to assess the cost of human life in terms of dollars and cents.

Sept 11, 1973

Democratically elected President Salvador Allende was killed by a U.S. backed military coup. Allende was replaced by General Augusto Pinochet, who excelled in murder, torture, and many other human right violations.

Apartments for Rent

How else, but under false pretence, could we get your attention? Though the words transformer and rape sound pop-culturally intriguing, it’s as empty as consumption, a quick fix before the next impulse.

Lemon Antifreeze has been accused of naivety for its happy aspirations, specifically by those who go to the zoo and cry animal mistreatment while eating a mystery pogo dipped in mustard.

You know, we see the demise of human kind, and it might be you that precipitates this end, if you’re the type who’d prefer seeing 550 million dollars worth of Transformers’ rather than transforming yourself into something humbly beautiful for free.

Transformers Wanted for Rape

LA Property Management introduces its new two tier rental system:

Tier 1:

Pay more and get more with a private elevator that stops at the right floor, functional fire alarms, a direct line to the landlord, a simple 3 digit code to enter the building, and a pest-free promise. That and much more!

Tier 2:

Pay less and get more hidden cameras in the washrooms, asbestos in the walls, strange ambient disturbances, a 15 digit entrance code that changes weekly, and random evictions. That and much more!

Call 1-888-666-3003 today to book a viewing today!

A LA space research probe has discovered what appears to be traces of alien excrement on Mars. While these findings prove that there is alien life out there, a sample of said biological waste needs to be gathered and analysed to find out more. All we know for certain are that aliens have assholes.

Alien Assholes